Last Christmas, my mom called on Christmas Eve to say that she was feeling too bad to come to our house on Christmas Day. I was dissapointed and frustrated because my boys had wanted to see their Nana so badly. So, that was the first actual Christmas that I did not see my mom, but I called her and wished her a Merry Christmas. This was the first year that I was unable to speak to her at all.
I woke up on Christmas Eve with joy in my heart and a song on my lips. Brad's parents came into town and went to the Christmas Eve service with us at our church, then came to spend the night at our house as they have done for the last two years. This morning, I woke up with a sadness realizing that I couldn't call my mom to tell her what the boys got for Christmas, or to tell her how much they loved her gift to them. Tucker has been so upset about Nana's passing, that I didn't even label the gift I had intended to give him from her. Instead I put Connor's name on it so that he wouldn't be sad today.
I am reminding myself of the absolute perfect Christmas celebration that she was able to attend today in Heaven. It is only my selfishness that wishes that I could hear her voice again. If she were here today, she would have been in an assisted living, which though a beautiful place, was not her own home. This would have robbed her of all joy for everyday, not just Christmas.
So, I must remind myelf to rejoice in the fact that she has a new body, is with her mother,her brothers and sister and my sweet cousin today. This life on Earth is only temporary and I must live for the blessings I have been given which are my two precious boys. This too shall pass, and come again, and pass again, and over and over until at last this rollercoaster of emotions comes to a standstill.
Merry Christmas Momma. I love you and miss you very much!
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