Influences and Inspiration

There is a syndrom called, "Adult Children of Alcoholics". This syndrom applies to any adult who grew up with an alcoholic parent. The syndrome also applies to children of addicts. The common denominator with ACOAs is that each child experienced some degree of mental or physical trauma as a result of thier parent's addiction.
Some alcoholics beat thier loved ones, and fervently apologise for thier abuse when they become sober. Other alcholics mentally abuse thier loved ones and put on an act to show the world that nothing is ever amiss in thier household, which leaves the child to question if they deserved the tongue lashing of the night before, if they are making more of what happened, or just dreamed it all. There are several other horrible occurances that take place inside the walls of homes all over the world and owe thier orgins to alcohol or drugs. Children are weaker, impressionable, vulnerable, and therefore perfect targets.

I was fortunate that my mother never inflicted physical abuse on me. Her abuse was mental in nature and I still suffer wounds that will never heal due to the things that were said to me, or to others about me by my own mother. When she was sober, she loved me and treated me well. Mother became sober in 2000 when her liver shut down, and she was sent out of the hospital on hospice care with only a few months at most left to live. Miraculously her liver regenerated and for about 7 years she was perfectly healthy and never had another drop of alcohol again. She kept smoking of course, but it and coffee were her only vices.

The characteristics of someone who is diagnosed as being an ACOA are as follows:

Adult Children:
...guess at what normal is.
...have difficulty in following a project through from beginning to end.

...lie when it would be just as easy to tell the truth.

...judge themselves without mercy.

...have difficulty having fun.

...take themselves very seriously.

...have difficulty with intimate relationships.

...overreact to changes over which they have no control.

...constantly seek approval and affirmation.

...feel that they are different from other people.

...are either super responsible or super irresponsible.

...are extremely loyal, even in the face of evidence that loyalty is undeserved.

...tend to lock themselves into a course of action without giving serious consideration to alternative behaviors or possible consequences. This impulsivity leads to confusion, self loathing, and loss of control of their environment. As a result, they spend tremendous amounts of time cleaning up the mess.


As you can see, the habits of a parent greatly affect thier children in ways that will not be discovered until adulthood. I suffer from almost everything on this list as a result of my mom's alcoholism.
My mom and I made our peace, as much as I could make peace anyway. I have no regrets. I believe I loved her as any daughter would. Most importantly I made sure that she felt loved. It was my goal never to let her know how much her drinking had mishappened my life.
Mom was a significant contributer to Celebrate Recovery at CrossPoint Baptist church. I am going to offer to give her testimony for her, because she was too embarassed to give it herself when she was alive. I feel that if these recovering alcoholics, addicts and family members that attend Celebrate Recovery services all over the south can hear my mom's message they will all understand themselves better and see out the Lord after they see what He did for her.
In the ten years that she was sober, she was baptised and was at her church volunteering, attending Bible studies, every Wed. night and Sunday morning she was there. Until she became sick again. See, God gave her ten years, and then he let her body catch up to her actions. He gave her ten years to come back to Him, and then He took her to be with Him. I am eternally grateful to God for saving my momma, so that I will see her again soon.

If you know of a church who has a Celebrate Recovery program in the States of Alabama, Tennesee, Georgia, or Mississippi, please let me know. I am going to devote time to fullfill my mother's legacy, in the hopes of bringing more people to Christ. At the same time, I want to tell this story of fear, torment, and redemption so that mother's and father's who may currently be struggling with an addiction, will realize how much thier addiction will affect thier child. I am hoping that if they listen to my testimony, as well as mother's, they will stop the abuse and focus on thier children.