Be Still and Know that I am God

I started reading my Daily devotional today, as well as writing in my prayer journal. The piece of scripture: "Be still and know that I am God" Psalm 46:10 lept out at me today. The author of the devotional explained that in several translations 'still' means 'rest'. This verse is special to me just as the verse "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7.
I love these verses because worry and anxiety over the safety and care of my family has always plagued me. I worry about my children's health and safety daily, I worry about our finances, I worry about my dad and stepmom, about my husband's job. You name it, and I worry. During my 'Dark Times' the worry and fear can take over and I wallow in my own depression for a week or more. I learned in my devotion this morning that if I will make sure to have quiet time with God a daily ritual, that my fears will subside as I grow to trust God even more every day.
This morning was wonderful. Our new dog Marley was playing in the backyard, my boys were playing happily by themselves in the playroom, Brad was watching basketball and I was reading my devotion and writing in my prayer journal. The only bad thing that we did today was to not go to church. Connor is getting over his ear infection and Brad may have the flu, so we decided to stay at home. I know God is okay with that. Besides, there are times when I am sitting in church when my mind wanders and I am not paying attention to God while I am in His house! Today, at home with my family, reading about trusting God in my devotional, made me give God praise wholeheartedly and with so much emotion and joy that it made up for not being in His house this morning.
We cleaned out my mom's house yesterday and it is completely empty. To see her home as nothing but an empty shell added yet another layer of sadness to the mountain growing inside me. Yet as the sadness comes, a relief is also present and somehow gives me a sense of balance. I don't have to worry about her house anymore and I don't have to go into her house and be assaulted by her presence everywhere I turn. The memories that I found in her drawers and her smell all around me sent me into a tailspin everytime I walked through those doors. I miss her very much. This week I am not angry with her and her alcoholism and lack of nurturing. Instead I long to hear her voice, even if she were to give me a talking to about something I had done or not done. I just want to be able to tell her I love her again. the anger is much easier to face. This longing for something I can never have again in this life is much harder to bare. However the anger will kill me on the inside, and the mourning will enable me to grow and become closer to God. I choose to mourn, and God will take care of me. I will be stil and know that He is there with me, through it all.